discussion Who's got jokes?

[Joedaddy1980]

What do you get when you stab a 14 year old boy in the neck with a fork?

I don't know about you, but I get a hardon.

 

[Knighthawk]

So, Putin had a dream where he met Stalin, and Putin asked Stalin for som advise how to win the war.
Stalin said: First you have to paint all of your rooms blue, then you have to execute everyone who step in the blue room with a dildo and hang them by the little finger at the gates, then you will win the war.
Putin asks: why do I have to paint all the rooms blue?
Stalin looks at Putin and says: I knew that you would have question about the blue room!

 

[M0rfi]

When my son told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down. (from dad joke generator lol)
but some of the dad jokes are actually funny

 

[stevethepirate]

I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall.

I though to myself, "that's a little condescending".

 

[cosicosi89]

Knock knock

 

[scrapdragon]

the US is a democracy

 

[solarjohn]

Knock knock

whos there

 

[gertbert11]

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

 

[borregad]

why is an old pussy like a little black dress?

Spoiler: answer

because it's often worn and seldom felt

 

[Ernest]

Funny stuff.

 

[c201]

Two dogs: Pete and Repete.
Pete went for a walk, who stayed?

Dude my sister told this one to be when I was like 10, I probably said Repeat 15 times before I got it. Never was very bright...

 

[Deleted member 105551]

I heard this joke twice - once from my friends and then watching Eddie Murphy's stand-up concert.
So... A bear and a bunny are shitting in a woods, and then bear asks bunny:
Bear: Hey, do you have that problem when poop stucks to your fur?
Bunny: No, I don't.
And then bear wipes his ass with bunny.

 

[Evil Surgeon]

An elderly lady goes to the grocery store to pick up some dog food. When she's checking out, the cashier says: "I'm sorry, we can't sell you this, not unless you can prove you have a dog." So, the old lady goes home, brings her dog with her and shows the cashier. He sells her the dog food and she goes home. A few days go by and she goes back to the store again, but this time she needs cat food. Once again, the cashier says he can't sell her that, and that she has to prove she has a cat. She goes back home, and brings the cat back with her and he sells her the cat food.

A week passes by and the old lady goes back to the store. This time, she doesn't pick up any items and instead she walks directly up to the cashier and hands him a box with a hole in and asks him to stick his finger in it. The cashier does, and then quickly pulls his finger out and smells it. "That smells like shit!" he says. And the old lady says: "That's right, now can I buy some toilet paper?"

 

[Rozan Sho Ryu Ha]

I hear Ginny Sack's getting a 95-pound mole taken off her ass.

 

[CrimsonFox526]

women be shopping

 

[thebeginner]

whos there

wow that guy really just left you hanging there. i swear some people

 

[RedOwl]

An Amish man comes homes after working in the market.
His wife asked him, "How was your day?"
He responds, "Not bad. A couple of the men bet young Jakey that he wouldn't stick his dick in the pickle slicer."
Wife: "Oh, no. He didn't!"
Husband: "Yes, he did. A shame, too. We had to fire her."

 

[blackrequiem]

So this is the greatest Jew joke of all times: two Jewish businessmen men in New York meet, and one asks," How's business?" and the other replies, "It's going great."
Then one of the businessmen called his mother and said, " Mom, I know you have spent all this time making my favorite dish, but I'm going to have to miss the seder." She said, "Okay."
Nothing beats it.

 

[jbk304]

I used to play piano by ear.

Now I use my hands!

 

[User_105953]

I realized I don't know any joke